My husband's biological mother died when he was three. He doesn't remember much about her at all. Yesterday during church, his stepmom and he had a long conversation about many things, but somehow got of on the subject of his biological mother. They didn't make it to preaching because they spent so much time talking after Sunday school. Anywho, She told him a story about his biological mother that really broke his heart.
His mother had breast CA and when it came time for her to leave this world, she put both of her hands on my husband's cheeks (remember he was three at the time) and told him how much she loved him and that she would be leaving soon to go and live with Jesus. My husband does not remember this at all. Off and on all day yesterday he cried because he could not remember that moment and wondered why. He wanted so desperately to remember. He ask so many times why he couldn't remember. He was breaking my heart - again he cried, we cried, my children cried. It was a very emotional day for him. You know it always breaks your heart when your children cry over disappointment and you can't change anything, but let me tell you it hurts just as bad when your husband cries.
I am not sure what the answer is, but in my way of thinking I told him this.......I believe that God is protecting you from this memory, because if you would remember, it just might be harder on you than not remembering.
There have been many times over the years that we have been married that he has told me he wishes so bad that he could remember his biological mother. Don't get me wrong, he has a great step mother who has loved and cared for him as her very own, and unless you knew that was his step mother you would never be able to tell otherwise.
It seems to me that as the hubby gets older and our children get older, he seems to be bothered more and more about not being able to remember or know his biological mother. I don't have the answer, but I can offer him love, support and my time of listening.
Praying today that God will give him comfort and peace.
Donna
4 comments:
This made me cry. I'm so grateful that I can know my mom, and can't imagine life without her. I'm also praying for his peace and comfort. Your too.
OH, this broke my heart, too. WE are praying God will give him the peace that he so desires to remember his mom.
I pray for peace and comfort for him.
I'm so blessed that I've never been through this.
But I can't imagine the heartbreak.
May God heal your husband's broken heart and give him peace.
I can imagine how he longs to remember his mother but the fact that he doesn't in no way diminishes the love she obviously had for him. My guess is his step-mom was hoping that her sharing that memory with him would somehow make up for the memories he wishes he had.
Is his dad still alive? Is it possible you could sit down with his dad (or some other person who knew his mother well) and do a video of you asking him questions about memories of your husband's biological mom? (a list of questions that you have composed ahead of time would help) You could add any pictures that are available of her to the video and give it to your husband for Christmas.
I did a video interview of some elderly relatives many years ago about their lives and relatives they remembered from generations before them. That video has since become priceless because they are all gone now, but we still have the memories they shared.
Just an idea.
God's blessings to you both.
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